I hear this phrase ALL THE TIME from the women I work with who are struggling to feel intimately connected in their relationship:
“BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE SELFISH!”
Many women come to me either having absolutely NO idea how to figure out exactly WHAT they want or need in intimacy OR they FEEL BAD for having needs at- all OR BOTH!
They tell me they feel “selfish” for speaking up or wanting more than what they’re getting.
They think they should be happy with the way things are because they want to “keep him happy” and not rock the boat.
But the TRUTH is that being disconnected from our own wants, needs and desires and going totally MUTE when it comes to communicating them—is a GUARANTEED DISASTER waiting to happen if your goal is to “keep your partner happy”.
And I understand this, I really do!
One of the most difficult things I personally ever learned to do was to speak up for myself in sex (and relationship in general!)
There was a time in my life where I had all these romantic ideas about how I thought sex SHOULD be—I knew how I wanted to feel—deeply connected and in love—but I had NO idea how to get there.
So I secretly made this my partners job, silently making him responsible for my sexual fulfillment.
(Probably woulda been nice if I had included him in that decision, right?)
And you know what this led to?
You guessed it—RESENTMENT!
So, while I was busy hiding behind my wall of resentment and taking it out on my partner in the form of the silent treatment-- followed by arguments--followed by more of the silent treatment….
Something MIRACULOUS happened: I had a moment of TRUTH.
I realized that if I EVER wanted ANYTHING to be different in my intimate life that I had to take FULL responsibility for my own pleasure.
I had to OWN it, girl!
And that meant I had to make some major changes:
1. I had to quit blaming my partner.
2. I absolutely HAD to learn how SPEAK UP.
3. And HAD to figure out HOW to know exactly what the fuck I actually WANTED and NEEDED: I had to learn to find my DESIRE rather than making excuses for it like “I’m too tired” or “not tonight”.
And all of these things required that I get on the wagon with learning about my own body, my own sexuality, my sexual energy, how to discover my needs, desires and wants—and then commit to mastering the skill of USING MY VOICE.
And ya know what? Once I did this EVERYTHING changed.
These shifts were a result of doing the DEEPER INNER work of sex and intimacy.
This personal AWAKENING is what ultimately inspired me to become a sex therapist.
As a specialist in women’s sexuality I have helped hundreds of women and couples do this DEEPER WORK of intimacy so that they can save their relationship and get back to love (without the self-sacrifice!)
And THIS is EXACTLY WHY I created the WAKE UP! WOMAN 4 MONTH MENTORING PROGRAM!
Wake Up! Woman is an intensive deep dive into the study of your beautiful feminine sexuality, intimacy, and relationships.
It’s where you learn exactly HOW to access your desire, how to actually know WHAT you want and NEED, and how to ditch the obstacles that get in the way of intimate connection.
HERE’S THE BADASS SHIT YOU’LL BE EMPOWERED TO DO AFTER COMPLETING THIS PROGRAM:
❤️ Clear out ALL of that OLD emotional garbage that’s been hanging around for years— resentment, “feeling bad for saying no”, your fears of rejection or abandonment, the fear of hurting your partners feelings—this crap is killing the connecting girl and you KNOW it.
❤️Understand EXACTLY how your libido actually WORKS---how you are wired, and how that’s different form your partner so that you can stop making each other wrong, or feeling like you’re broken.
❤️ Use your VOICE—learn how to stop going silent when asked what you want or need, STOP feeling like you’re being “selfish” for wanting something, and OVERCOME that pang of fear in your gut when speaking up for yourself.
❤️ACTIVATE your sexual energy—learn how to turn it on, turn it up or tone it down.
❤️Practice a new approach to intimacy that works even if your “too tired” or he can’t get it up.
❤️ Use practical communication skills that will INSTANTLY dissolve conflict or disagreements so that you can artfully direct the relationship back towards connection and love.
❤️Develop the ESSENTIAL SKILL SET that will empower you to be able to SUSTAIN the change over the long term once the program is over.
HERE’S WHAT YOU GET WHEN WE PARTNER TOGETHER:
✅ Weekly video lessons focusing on a specific area of women’s sexuality, pleasure, and intimacy. (One new lesson released each week).
✅Two integration weeks: your chance to rest, integrate or catch up.
✅ Weekly Individual Practices that you do each day which facilitate EXPERIENTIAL learning from the lesson.
✅Access to a private Wake Up Woman! Facebook Group where you can share and comment about your experiences, ask questions and receive guidance and support from me and other women in the course.
✅ Live Weekly Coaching Calls with me where you get my personal support, guidance, teachings and coaching to help you go deeper into your own process and get your personal questions answered.
✅ Lifetime access to the videos and program resources.
This Program IS For You If:
You feel bad and give into sex just to keep your partner happy or to keep the relationship.
You feel disconnected from you partner.
You feel resentful and don’t know how to bring down the wall.
You have no idea what you want or need and have a hard time speaking up for yourself so you just go along with things.
You fear that if you spoke up about your needs etc, that it might upset your partner so instead you just pretend everything is “ok” but you know deep down that something is amiss.
You feel like you are broken or the intimacy issues in your relationship are all your fault. You are secretly afraid of losing the relationship if you don’t fix the problem.
You don’t “have the time” to invest in yourself and your growth.
You’re looking for a quick fix and think that all of your problems will be solved by just learning a few new tricks and techniques.
You’re unwilling to dig deeper into yourself and confront your emotions or limiting behavior patterns.
You think you already “know all this” or have “done that before”.
Look, I’m not here to teach you how to be some kind of a wild sex kitten or how to wrap yourself around a pole in lacey lingerie that probably goes up your butt.
What I AM here to teach you is the deeper INNER work of sex, love and intimacy so that you can make REAL changes in your intimate relationship for the LONG TERM.
Participation in this program is by application ONLY and I am only accepting 2 new women into the program this month.
If you were like “Oh my god that sounds exactly like me” when you read the “This Program is For You If….” list from above.....
Then hit me and book your No Cost Phone Consultation with me here NOW where I’ll help you figure out if this program is the right fit for you!
Sep 26, 21 03:08 AM
Sep 26, 21 02:59 AM
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Sep 10, 21 12:59 PM
Dr. Bettty Martin is a former Chiropractor, and is currently a sex and touch coach, and certified Cuddle Party facilitator in Seattle, WA.