WHY I DON’T USE INCESSANT VALIDATION IN MY THERAPY PRACTICE
There’s a myth in the counseling world that validation is the magic ingredient to help a client change.
I disagree and here’s why.
After having worked with scores of women and couples in my sx therapy practice, what I hear all too often from new clients are the complaints about how they have tried counseling in the past and it didn’t “work”.
They lament that their therapist basically just “validated them and repeated what they were saying” (this is a level 1 therapy skill we are all taught in grad school btw…).
They spent time and money and felt like they got nowhere. Because they did: they got NOWHERE.
Client’s come to me looking for something different.
They are often wary of the process of counseling because they have already spent a lot of time and money without really feeling like they got the results they were hoping for.
And the biggest reason for this frustration in my professional opinion?
The over-reliance by too many therapists on the belief that incessant validation of a client’s woes is the catalyst for their growth.
I call BULLSHIT!
I agree that validation plays an important role in building trust and helping a client feel safe in therapy. But the over use of this technique is the antithesis of change. It is the death of growth not the catalyst for it.
I’ve seen too often how therapists who rely on the heavy use of constant validation leave their clients feeling not only justified about their harmful patterns but also feeling encouraged to completely abdicate any kind of personal responsibility for the authorship of their experiences.
➡️ Incessant validation teaches a client how to “cope” with their issues rather than fundamentally transform them.
➡️ It teaches clients how to “manage” their negative tendencies rather than to fundamentally see through to the core of what is creating them.
➡️ It re-enforces the personality which is the outer shell of our surface self; the part of us that is caught up in the MATRIX, believing it to be “real” instead of moving them BEYOND the matrix and into the architecture of TRUTH where we see ourselves CLEARLY as the CO-CREATORS of our experiences—including our negative patterns and most of pain we are experiencing in our lives.
It’s an inconvenient truth, I know, but it is the only one that will truly set us free.
So I use validation in my practice up to a certain point. I sprinkle it in here and there as it seems truly helpful.
But personally, I am not interested in helping you merely “cope” with yourself.
And I refuse to use my gifts as a way to re-enforce your steadfast commitment to your story (in which you are always the victim).
I’m just not interested in helping you perpetuate the pain and or the drama of your life which is often a result of your own denial and resistance to seeing through the illusion and your participation in it.
Instead I bring TRUTH.
I bring ILLUMINATION.
And I bring a MIRROR to your very own SOUL while GENTLY, LOVINGLY, and DIRECTLY, guiding your way through that PORTAL into your SOURCE.
But heck--if you want to stay in the matrix and eat that nice juicy steak by all means that is your own choice:Take the blue pill, it’s chock full of Vitamin V (AKA Vitamin Incessant Validation which seems you can practically get through an intravenous drip in many therapy practices these days).
But if INSTEAD you REALLY want to find your way OUT of the lie, and into a place where you become the MASTER ARCHITECT of your reality, then give me a shout out: Take the red pill, I’ve got plenty to share. (The initial truth it reveals may be uncomfortable, but the payoff will be worth it for those who dare).
P.S. Think you might be ready for more? I offer complimentary no obligation phone consultations for clients in Austin, TX and the United States. Request yours now here and let's see if we are a good fit to work together!
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Dr. Bettty Martin is a former Chiropractor, and is currently a sex and touch coach, and certified Cuddle Party facilitator in Seattle, WA.