It’s not a new feeling for you.
In fact you have probably been carrying it with you since you were a child. Problem is that because guilt has become such a familiar friend to you, you don’t even realize it’s there.
You don’t even realize how your guilty feelings are controlling every decision you make in your life. Especially when it comes to intimacy.
How many times have you just “given in” to being intimate with your partner because you “feel bad” for saying “no”?
And how many times have you said “no” and then beat yourself up for it? Making yourself “feel bad” for not being “in the mood” or for not having as high a libido as your partner?
This my friend is also known as our unwelcome bedfellow—GUILT
And here’s the thing:
When you are susceptible to feeling guilty you are also susceptible to being manipulated by other people who subtlety (and often unconsciously) play on your weakness of “feeling bad for saying no”.
And then one day you wake up exhausted from being in the chronic role of over giving. You discover that you have totally lost yourself.
Suddenly you feel resentful and angry and you don’t even know exactly why.
And then your partner approaches you for intimacy and you go cold. Or maybe you snap or lash out in anger or self-protection.
The wall in your heart goes up. And then…..
You find yourself months later wondering where the love went and why can’t things be like they were at the beginning?
Your partner is confused too. He feels rejected, shut out, and has almost given up trying.
And this scares you. Because you know if you don’t fix this problem the whole thing may just come crashing down.
Problem is you have no idea how to get back to the love and you once had. And s&x? Forget it. It’s not even on the radar.
You have no idea how to bring that heart wall down (hell you’re not even sure you WANT to bring it down because it doesn’t feel safe to!)
But deep down you feel lonely, frustrated and sad. You long for connection, love and intimacy that is fulfilling—where it feels safe to connect in that way again—where you feel seen, heard, and cherished.
Where you feel the love you once felt and where intimacy once again brings you feelings of meaningful emotional connection and an overall sense of love.
The truth is that you will never get back to this kind of place in your intimacy as long as guilt is captain at the helm of your love boat.
Because guilt is sneaky. It is manipulative. It loves to hide behind excuses and platitudes. All the while leaving you feeling empty. Confused. And alone.
You are not alone. I see you.
I too have been the over giver, the self-sacrificer, the one who never could figure out what I wanted in intimacy, the one who had no voice and just went along with whatever my partner wanted because it felt overwhelming to try to figure out how to get what I actually wanted.
I too have cried alone in bed at night trying to figure out what went wrong and how to get back to the love and connection I longed for.
But I did finally find my way out. And as a result, it has become one of my magic superpowers to help you to do the same.
We all need a little help along this journey back to satisfying intimacy as it’s path can be tricky and is often entrenched with old ways of thinking—guilt can be sneaky remember?
That is why I am teaching an all new 8 Week Online course for women
“Wake Up Woman! How to Get “In the Mood”, Ditch the Self-Sacrifice, and Re-Claim Your Relationship with Pleasure S&x and Orgasm (Even if You Are Low Libido, Or Just Plain “Too Tired”).
The course begins in early January and enrollment will be opening soon.
Ready to wake back up to yourself?
Click here to get your name on my VIP list and be the first to be notified when enrollment opens and get access to my pre-launch bonuses!
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Dr. Bettty Martin is a former Chiropractor, and is currently a sex and touch coach, and certified Cuddle Party facilitator in Seattle, WA.